I did not come to this conclusion on my own. COVID was a lot to deal with for everyone in the healthcare field, but for me, it was the icing on the shitty cake. Before COVID I was so burnt out. I cried to my manager about CCU burnout and I didn’t know how much longer I could be on this floor. He understood right away and referred me to a palliative care social worker. I didn’t call her until June! This lady was fantastic. I didn’t realize a person could understand me so fully without saying too many words. Just talking to her and expressing my feelings out loud made me understand myself more and realize what move I needed to make if I wanted to stay in the nursing field. This was the greatest thing she could have done for me. It validated what I wanted without anybody else’s opinion but my own. It was a freeing experience and I only spoke with her for an hour and a half. So there were no feelings of shame leaving the CCU to possibly go to a less stressful position. I felt happy as soon as the conversation ended and excited for the next decision.
It is time to move to California, time to look for a new job, get a new apartment and start a new life for the 3rd time. Starting a new life is very exciting, you can pretty much be whoever you want to be, change your name, change your age, change your views, and change your hobbies! I have always wondered what that would be like, but I am the worst liar so however much I would love to pretend, I don’t. The one thing I now love about moving is meeting different people and being out of my comfort zone. Challenging myself and getting over my fear of meeting new people has been a struggle throughout my life. Ever since I have made it a mission to live in different cities I have been able to crush that fear and just do me.
So with a new city, new job, new apartment comes a new chapter of stories and adventures. I loved writing about my rollercoaster relationship that has been successful, but here is to the next rollercoaster of my life. I hope you all keep following.